


Love Will Lead You Back

by ladybug218



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 14:17:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybug218/pseuds/ladybug218
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saying goodbye is never an easy thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Will Lead You Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/gifts).



> written for tielan for hetfic's Valentine's Day ficathon

One thing Xander has always admired about Willow is her passion. From the elaborate lives she constructed for her Barbie dolls when they were five to the way she threw herself into witchcraft in high school to the fact that she almost ended the world because she lost the love of her life.

Admittedly that last one was a bit troublesome, but the magnitude of Willow's passion impressed him nonetheless. He wasn't sure if he had ever felt that kind of passion for anything or anyone in his life. Oh, sure, he loved Anya, but when it came down to it, he chickened out on actually marrying her, which, in his opinion, spoke volumes about his ability to feel that kind of passion.

Now Willow is going to England with Giles to recover from her magical overload and Xander is feeling at loose ends. It will be the first time they will be apart and he wonders if this is how people feel before having a limb amputated.

Everything he said to Willow on that cliff was true. He loves her. Always has and always will. He blames himself for the fact that they never really had a chance to make a relationship work. He knew that Willow had feelings for him, but he was an insecure teenage boy and he was more concerned about his image and reputation than he was about love. By the time he finally wised up, she was with Oz. And Oz was good for Willow, giving her more much needed self-confidence. 

Through his relationships with Cordelia and Anya and Willow's relationship with Tara, there was always a part of Xander that loved Willow. Now Tara's dead, Anya is sleeping with Spike, Cordelia is in LA, Willow is leaving for England and Xander is getting left behind. He'll still have Buffy and Dawn and they're more his family than his blood relatives have ever been, but he knows that there will be a Willow-shaped hole in his life until she comes back. And even when she does return to Sunnydale, he knows that he's forever lost any chance of being more than friends with Willow.

He takes his time climbing the stairs, as if putting off his goodbye will keep her from going. Logically he knows that this trip is something Willow needs, but emotionally he needs her and no one has ever accused Xander of letting logic win over emotion.

The door to Willow's room is open, but he still taps on the door frame to announce his presence.

"Hey, Xander," Willow says, looking up from the suitcase she is trying to zip closed. "I was wondering if you were going to stop by."

"Like I would let you leave the country without saying goodbye, Will," he replies, forcing a smile for her sake and nodded at her suitcase. "You need a hand with that?"

She nods. "I think I may have overpacked."

"Well, you need to be prepared for anything," he points out. 

"Especially since I don't know how long I'll be gone," she says. 

Xander tries not to let his feelings about that show on his face, but he knows he failed when Willow frowns. "I'll call," she promises. "And write."

"I know, Will. But it won't be the same." He wrestles her suitcase closed and stands up, suddenly unable to meet her eyes.

She stands up and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I know. I"ll miss my Xander hugs."

He turns and wraps his arms around her, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling the faint scent of watermelons from her shampoo. They stand there, silent and hugging, for what feels like an eternity. Xander is perfectly content with this since he doesn't want to let Willow go, physically or metaphorically. When she speaks, it's too soft for him to make out the words and he pulls back just enough to look at her. "What did you say?"

"Thank you," she repeats, her voice still soft. "For what you did for me. No one else would have been able to get through like you did."

The reminder of why she's going to England makes Xander a little uncomfortable and he shrugs. "You would have done the same for me."

When she goes up on her tiptoes and kisses him, it catches him off guard. "I love you, Xander. I wish you were coming to England with me."

"I love you, too, Will," he says, his voice catching. "And you know I'll be there for you whenever you need me."

"You'll be here when I get back?" she asks and he senses that there is a deeper meaning to her question than it seems on the surface.

"I'm not going anywhere," Xander promises.

Willow nods. "Do you think you'll get back together with Anya?"

The question seems to come from out of left field, but then it clicks into place. Or at least he thinks it does. He hesitates before replying, "No, I'm ready to move on."

"Wait for me?" she asks, confirming his suspicions.

"Of course," he says, pulling her into another tight hug.

The next few months will be almost unbearable and Xander is afraid to get his hopes up too much, given their history and Willow's recent preference for girls instead of boys, but maybe, just maybe, they will finally get a chance to make things work. And even if it doesn't work out again, he knows that they will always be Willow and Xander and that's enough.


End file.
